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The Pouty Princess Problem

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Remember that old Waylon Jennings song, “Mammas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys”? I’ve had another version of the title running through my head lately: “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Sons Grow Up Treating Their Sisters Like Princesses”.

Now, I realize it doesn’t have nearly the same flow, rhythm or catchiness that Jennings’ title does, but I think some enterprising young songwriter could get somewhere with the concept. Just describe a few scenarios of young ladies who feel entitled to be treated like royalty — of which there are plenty (call me if you need some good material here), add in some threats that boys will prove their ability to cherish their future wives by how well they treat their sisters, and provide a dash or two of selective blindness when the sweet little girls demonstrate remarkable ability to manipulate and coerce every male that comes within a mile of their wiles, and voila! You’ve got a song!

I’ve seen it more in Christian homeschooling circles than anywhere else, but I wasn’t sure what to call it until my son muttered his frustration with his friends’ catering to their sisters’ every whim. Obviously, it’s the Princess Problem.

Let’s take a moment here to address what I think is entirely appropriate. Young men should be embued with a healthy respect for ladies of all ages. This would naturally include their sisters. This does not, however, include behavior that lead these same young ladies to the very erroneous belief that they are to be catered to and regarded in every wish and desire. I have seen this princess delusion permeate a classroom, obliterate many a guy-bonding moment, and set wheels a-turning in the minds of younger female siblings. It’s not pretty. And it’s not biblical.

I get that the “We are daughters of the King” mantra yields therefore that we are all princesses in God’s economy. Well, no, not exactly, although it might be derived. God in His Word never once calls any of us lady Christians princesses. He says that we are co-inheritors with Christ, His first born Son. He says that we will rule with Him in heaven, and while that speaks to some position in regard to our relationship to our Father, the King, that does not make us princesses in regard to one another. The title is conferred by the King and not to be assumed by the crowned as an entitlement to certain lording-it-over-one-another behavior.

This is what I’m talking about. Dads, if you want your little girl to feel special, then by all means, call her your little princess. Mamas, if you want your son to grow up respecting women — and as the mom of three daughters, I would really appreciate this — encourage him to consider all people as image bearers of God and especially believers as being brothers and sisters in Christ. Not just girls, but all. It will naturally follow that the girls in his life — whether sisters, cousins, friends, coworkers, bosses, teachers, etc. — will be treated respectfully.

But if the atmosphere in your home is one where the sons must cater to all that the daughters want, you are not only creating a tribe of little sparkly-crowned monsters, you are doing no favor to those girls of yours. They might find the title that is most often referenced in Scripture for believers — SERVANT — a hard one to assume if they have become used to brothers always giving up their seats, taking blame and running errands for, and jumping to the crooked little pinkies of the household princess.

Grace falls from heaven on us, and graciousness flows forth when that heaven-grace transforms the heart from stone to flesh. It’s irresistable.

And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.” Mark 9:35

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. 1 Peter 4:10

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13

It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant. Matthew 20:26

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phillipians 2:3

Just a little something I was thinking about while I waited for my crown.

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Written by mrsdkmiller

October 29, 2014 at 1:47 pm

On sociopaths and bullies….

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From Life News:

Why Do “Pro-Choice” People Attack Moms Who Don’t Want to Abort Disabled Babies?

Washington, DC (LiveActionNews) — After the horrific massacre in Newtown, I remember watching a news segment that asked where the increase in sociopathic behavior was coming from.

Sociopathic behavior doesn’t have to be as extreme as opening fire on a classroom full of kindergartners. It includes what we consider “everyday” acts of people stomping on (literally and figuratively) their fellow human beings. And there’s no better example than the treatment of Republican Congresswoman Jamie Herrera Beutler.

Last week, Beutler posted a message on Facebook saying her unborn child has been diagnosed with Potter’s Syndrome. This condition, which prevents the kidneys from developing properly, is typically fatal for the baby.

While many offered Beutler love and support, others took it as an opportunity to gloat or proclaim that the child should be aborted. Matthew Archbold, a writer for the National Catholic Register, collected some of the comments left at the Huffington Post and elsewhere. A few gems:

– Oh goody… and she’s GOP…. let’s all watch this one develop. Let’s see if she follows the party line ….

–Abort the baby. Wait a few months. Get pregnant again. This is not a big deal.

– Why not be proactive and get an abortion?

– Sorry, prayers won’t do a damn thing.

– She should just go to a Planned Parenthood and be done with “it”, after all, it’s not a human yet.

–I laugh at her in that her political ideology has her in a corner I would wish nobody in.

This sickening behavior – gloating over a baby’s illness and her mother’s pain – is more common than you might think.

Back in 2009, a young single woman, Myah Walker, learned that her baby had anencephaly, a fatal anomaly in which only part of the brain develops. Instead of terminating the pregnancy, Myah decided to carry the baby (named Faith Hope) to term, and chronicle her experience on a blog.

The response? An avalanche of hate. Entire blogs were created to slam Myah and her child.

The first thing you’ll gather from reading these blogs is that these people are really, really angry, because – well, I’m not sure why. Because Myah walked the walk when it came to her Christian beliefs and eschewed abortion? The hate brigade weirdly accused her of “bigotry,” ridiculed her for supposedly being date-raped by the child’s father, and e-mailed her lists of suggestions for how she could off her “zombaby,” who lived to be three months old.

Throughout the 2008 campaign and beyond, liberal bloggers and “comedians” hurled abuse at Sarah Palin’s infant son, Trig, who was born with Down syndrome. Jeff Stuef of Wonkette celebrated Trig’s third birthday by sneering, “‘Oh, little boy what are you dreaming about’…What’s he dreaming about? Nothing. He’s retarded.”

And it’s not just controversial politicians and their children who receive this sort of treatment after deciding to “keep” a special needs child. Just ask Live Action’s very own Cassy Fiano, who gave birth to her son, Wyatt, after receiving a prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis.

“Online, it’s mostly the usual… people calling him a retard, saying he’ll never have a meaningful life. Stuff like that,” Cassy told me. “The worst is one girl who told me that I was crazy for having him and I should have had an abortion. Another person told me I shouldn’t have any more kids because Wyatt would be too much of a burden.”

What motivates these people to abuse women who have chosen to carry to term despite a poor prenatal diagnosis? I strongly suspect that many of them have been involved in an abortion – or know they would want one in a similar situation. It angers them to see someone make a choice they didn’t have the courage to make themselves. But it’s impossible for any normal-thinking person to really know what motivates them.

Like all good sociopaths, the bullies try to shift blame on to the victims, saying they were “asking for” such treatment because of their political views. Since a pro-lifer would “force” women in her situation to give birth, she deserves to be shamed and harassed throughout her difficult pregnancy.

But anyone with a normal sense of compassion and empathy would say that’s not just irrational. It’s evil. Few things are more sociopathic than abusing a pregnant woman carrying a terminally ill child – no matter what her political affiliation.

LifeNews Note: Ashley Herzog is an Ohio-based writer. She is a longtime contributor to Townhall.com and has appeared on FOX News’ “Hannity’s America.” This originally appeared at LiveActionNews.

Written by mrsdkmiller

June 16, 2014 at 7:35 am

The Discovery a Kid Makes While Connecting to His Grandpas Is a Lesson the Selfie Generation Needs

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Because we have so much more to give the next generation than selfies…..

http://liftbump.ijreview.com/2014/06/13242-young-mans-study-super-cool-grandpas-reveals-life-giving-stuff/

Written by mrsdkmiller

June 6, 2014 at 10:07 am

Melissa Edgington: The Morning When My Mother Got Up Anyway

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Another great Mother’s Day post… by Melissa Edgington at Your Mom Has a Blog

Your Mom Has A Blog

I remember one morning when I was in elementary school, I woke to the usual scent of some delicious breakfast baking in the oven.  Blueberry muffins, maybe.  I walked into the kitchen, and instead of seeing my mom on her usual perch at the edge of a kitchen chair, drinking her coffee, I could see her lying on her bed in the next room, pale and looking exhausted.

She was sick.  She had probably been up all night vomiting.  And, the only way she could feel remotely like she wasn’t going to do it again was to lie down.

Still, when she saw me, she got up.  She woke up my brother.  She took the muffins out of the oven and poured me some juice.  And every few minutes, she would go to the couch and lie down.

The usual morning rush commenced, and she ironed clothes and packed lunches…

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Written by mrsdkmiller

May 11, 2014 at 7:07 am

Amy Young: An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}

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Today I am sharing this excellent post from Amy Young’s blog, Messy Middle, written two years ago. It’s circulated around social media every year at this time, and this time I want to join in. Tomorrow I will share some of my own thoughts about moms, motherhood, and agony. – LM

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Dear Pastor,

Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.

You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.

I set my can down and this is what I’d say.

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1.  Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

I’ve created a PDF of The Wide Spectrum of Mothering 

3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.

I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).

Warmly and in your corner,

Amy

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Here are categories Amy added to #2 in a follow up piece, “Another Open Letter to Pastors {Lessons from the Comments Section}”:

To those who have aborted children, we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children, we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent, we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren, yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

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Thanks to Time-Warp Wife for getting it going this year.  And for providing Amy’s bio:

Amy Young is readjusting to messy middle of life in the US after more than twenty years in China and the recent death of her dad. When she first moved to China she knew three Chinese words: hello, thank you and watermelon. Often the only words really needed in life. She is known to jump in without all the facts and blogs regularly at messymiddle.com and tweets as @amyinbj and is the most unbeautiful pinner Pinterest has ever seen (but she’s having fun!). Want a free book? Sign up for her quarterly newsletter and Signs of Eden Regained is YOURS (and win a chance for an awesome canvas of your choice — subscription drive until May 17th).

 

Written by mrsdkmiller

May 10, 2014 at 11:44 am

3 Queens (a Matt Bieler video)

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I love being a mom.

 

Written by mrsdkmiller

November 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Posted in Mom things

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